May 5, 2022
Although I’m not fluent in Español, I do know what Cinco de Mayo represents. On a good day, it represents margaritas, veggie burritos and guacamole. 😋 However, it is also the day I received horrible news. I had just made it home after seeing the Mighty O’Jays in concert when I received a call from one of my friends. She told me that one of my friends had passed away. I was saddened and in disbelief. As if his passing wasn’t hard enough to process, I found out he took his own life. 😞 I kept thinking, “How did this happen? How could he do this to himself? What could I have done to prevent this? ” It was a challenging time in my life. It has been 9 years ago but I can remember that day as if it was only 9 day. Since then, I have learned a lot about depression and how so many people who suffer in silence.
But that was just the beginning of my month of pain. Ten days later, while I was working out at the gym, I received a phone call from a hospital in Roanoke, Virginia. One the other end of the phone, the doctor tells me my dad’s heart stopped beating. Instantly, my heart fell to the floor. It was 7 o’clock in the evening and I was two planes ride or a seven-hour drive away from being able to get to my dad. Fortunately, they were able to get his heart to beat again but my dad wasn’t out of the woods, yet. Although he was stabilized, he was unable to move any of his limbs. All he could do was blink his eyes.
That weekend, I drove to Roanoke check on him in the hospital. One of my brothers from Maryland came down, too. My dad still wasn’t able to move his limbs but he was able to follow me across the room with his eyes. The doctors were baffled as to what was going on with him. I spent as much time with him as I could that weekend before I had to get back on the road to head back to Cleveland. I didn’t want to leave him but I had to get back to work. I remember when I was saying goodbye to him, he squeezed my hand. At first, I thought, “Did he really squeeze my hand?” But I know what I felt and that was not a “phantom” squeeze. It really did happen. I believe it was my dad letting me know he was going to be okay and I can leave. Of course I cried all the way back home.
It couldn’t have been but a few days later that I received a call from my brother who was at the hospital with me. He told me my other brother had a massive stroke and he was on life support. That following weekend, I was taking another road trip but this time drove to Washington D.C. to see my brother one last time. All the siblings were there. Although he was unresponsive, we were able to him how we felt about him. They say the last thing to go as someone is transitioning is their hearing. I read various scriptures from the Bible to him. One of my favorites is Psalm 23. The Lord is my Shepard...
At that time, I didn’t think I could take it any longer. We were only in the first three weeks of May and I had a lot of devastation going on. Since we had already decided we were going to cremate my brother and have a memorial service, I figured we didn’t have to rush it. We could have the memorial at any time. I NEEDED A BREAK! I booked a trip to Jamaica and left the country for a few days. I needed to clear my mind before I went insane. I am committed to protect my psyche and sanity at all costs. Whew, what a time in my life!
I could go on and talk about having to fire the pastor who was to oversee my brother’s service five (5) minutes before it started but I’ll keep that story to myself. 🤦🏽♀️
I share this because these tragic moments are what May 5th/Cinco de Mayo used to bring up for me. I would be sad every time the date (month) came around. However, I don’t allow this day (nor month) to have power over my well-being anymore. Instead of thinking of all the losses of May 2013, I choose celebrate because what I gained. I gained confidence in my my ability to be resilient. I may bend but I will not break. I know that I’m more resilient than ever. Everything that I pressed through between my cancer experience and that month of May have helped me develop that muscle. As Whitney Houston said in her song, “I didn't know my own strength.”
You may recall from my last newsletter, I shared my experience with Oprah. Well, she’s still my “friend” and a soul teacher. Just this past Tuesday, during our monthly class, she had a guest who spoke about...RESILIENCY. The following is what Oprah has to say about it:
“I believe that resilience is the single most important quality that allows human beings to triumph in moments of difficulty. For many people, being resilient means that you can endure hardship and bounce back unscathed. But for me, resilience is really about absorbing the difficult moments, knowing that they’ve changed you, and moving forward anyway with a resolve to make it through. The truth is, there is no strength without challenge, resistance, adversity, and, very often, pain. It is a blessing to be able to survive and find meaning in each and every hurdle. Think back on your own history—how you got right here, to this moment. Were there events along the way that scared or scarred you? Maybe so. But what’s remarkable is that no matter what happened, you are still standing; you are still here.” — Oprah
I loved these words from Ms. Winfrey. I particularly loved the question she asked. As you go through this week, reflect on the following:
Think about a time when you faced a challenge.
- How were you able to get through it?
- How were you able to back?
- What did you learn about yourself?
P.S. I had to share this experience with Oprah again just because it's bring joy inside the tears that I shed as I wrote this.